Tuesday 30th April 2019

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Good Afternoon all and a very happy Tuesday to you. My date night was perfect, thanks for asking, and was followed up by an entire Sunday spent in bed. There really is something special about eating pasta for almost every meal and not putting on knickers for 24+ hours. Bush out bliss. This next few days will be spent totally focused on me. Due to my mother’s recent house moving, I’ve been taking to her swimming pool like a sassy little fish with an ass that won’t quit, and I am LOVING it. Plus it means she gets to see me three times a week, win win.


I really don’t like exercise. If I had a penny for every time I’d registered with a gym or a fitness class or a bootcamp or a local walking group and then bailed at the last minute, I’d finally be able to shop online without filtering ‘price – low to high’. I just can’t get my head around doing and enjoying something that is physically out of your comfort zone and diminishing of any and all energy. Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s impressive and if I could drag my fat arse out to the gym a couple of times a week, believe me I would. I do believe in promoting health and I know that regular physical exercise contributes to that, so for me to find something that sparks joy really is great. I think I like swimming because I don’t have to tape my tits up to my chin in order to squeeze them into a sports bra, and I can pretend to be a mermaid. It’s really very therapeutic. Up until now, the only cardio I’ve been doing is the few minutes of Cowgirl I endure before flopping off my boyfriend and demanding he does me from behind.


Don’t get me wrong, I am also very much team ‘eat cake’, but I don’t want you to die. I don’t want you to diet, but I definitely don’t want you to die. Just look after yourself and the body that houses you, that is all. Hence why I dipped myself in the pool in the first place. I thought it probably about time I did something to counteract the frozen doner kebab I had inhaled not an hour before. I love my body, and I love treating her with her favourite things (essentially just bread and prosecco). But because I love her so much, I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with her, and I won’t be able to do that if I don’t ensure she’s as healthy as she can be. It’s all about finding the happy medium between treating yourself and doing what you want, and making sure not to go into cardiac arrest before you’re 35. If anyone manages to get this balance right, please do hit me up.


So in addition to my swimming, I also plan to eat a fair amount of leeks (accidentally ordered 6 x the amount I needed from Asda because I was in full div mode), get a few early nights under my belt before (yet another) night on the tiles on Saturday and probably enjoy a face mask or two. I’m definitely going to try and remember to cleanse and tone twice a day, at least. See? Self love just isn’t always acai bowls and expensive pyjamas and forking out for a mani-pedi-bikini wax combo. It’s about finding what makes you happy and relaxed and rolling with it.


PS – how the fuck is it almost May?!?!


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