You know I’m always here to serve you all the realness. For the most part, it’s sex realness, but today I wanna spill the tea on relationship realness. My number one golden rule in relationships is never compare yourself to anyone else. Because, for the most part, the relationships of people you see on social media or hear about through anyone but your closest pals are hiding all of the shit in favour of only showing off what’s good. And we’re all guilty of it. I wrote a post at the end of Summer, thanking my beloved for such a wonderful few months. To my Instagram followers, I don’t doubt that this induced images of strolls along the beach, cosy BBQs together and sunset cocktails. And, sure, we did have some incredible adventures together, but I also neglected to mention the heinous arguments that were endured and the 3-4 times we very almost called it quits.
Our relationship generally consists of a LOT of cuddling, binge watching Netflix, bickering over whose turn it is to take the bins out and him constantly dry humping me from behind while I brush my teeth. We have times where we cannot keep our hands off each other, and times where I think we’d both like to run away and hide in the pub alone for 3-5 working days. I constantly whinge at him about proposing and he repeatedly asks for blowjobs. Both of us are as infuriating as the other. But that’s just life. Humans aren’t perfect, and neither are relationships.
The truth and secret behind happy relationships (I believe, anyway) are the following –
Not relying on someone else to validate you. Your existence and worth is not determined by how others feel about you. Sure, it’s nice to be loved, but it’s even nicer to love yourself. And when you do love yourself, your relationship with yourself, and therefore others, will be healthier and happier. I know it may well be just the case for me, but I find it a lot easier to dish out all of the love to my boyfriend when I’m having a day where I feel happy and confident about myself.
Always be honest. Don’t fanny around pretending you don’t care that they still see their exes or have always loved Rory from Gilmore Girls – tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. Let it be known when something upsets or angers you and when something sparks joy (thanks Marie, hun). Communication and honesty are key.
Know your standards. This one kind of falls off the back of my first point, but knowing the level or respect and appreciation you deserve and never letting that slip, despite bouquets of apology peonies and ‘forgive me’ brownies. Once you’ve drilled this into your head, there’s slim to no chance that you’ll falter and let someone take advantage of you. A great example here is my boyfriend expecting me to wash his dirty rugby kit. Honestly, he comes in all sweaty and dirty and drops it wherever he’s standing. Sometimes this is by the front door, sometimes it’s in the bedroom and sometimes its mere metres from the laundry basket. But I’m not a fucking washerwoman. And the mere expecting that it will be picked up and done no questions asked makes me even less likely to partake. So I make it very clear that I won’t be cleaning up after him, and I highly doubt the bacteria in his socks has evolved enough to get up and walk itself to the washing machine, so if he wants clean clothes the next time he goes to rugby training, it’s on his back. And it bloody works! More fool him for assuming, but power to him for actually listening to my points and doing it for himself.
Obvs there are millions more key contributors for your best relationship, but these are likely personal to you and your partner(s) so I wouldn’t like to comment. But just know that your relationship (regardless of whether it’s with yourself or others) will always be original and individual and to compare it to anyone else, let alone airbrushed influencers on the internet, would be a mistake.