Tuesday 19th February 2019

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Have you named your bits? I have. It was something that, as 15 year olds, I giggled about with my friends of the time but, now, it seldom seems like the done thing. And for what effing reason? I am of firm belief that joining your genitals on an emotional level is super important – making sure you’re connected mentally and not just physically. Like when you find a stray dog and the general advice is ‘if you’re not going to keep it, don’t get too emotionally attached to it by naming it’, I believe it to be the opposite for your private parts. Regardless of how new or old they are; familiarise yourself.  My friend had her coil changed recently, and the best advice I could give her (after lots of rest and a high dosage of Ibuprofen) was to have a little five minute snuggle and apologise to her fanny.


So today, my friends, is an ode to Gashley. Gashley is my perfect pubic area, and I love her a whole lot. ‘Why Gashley’, I hear you chorus? Well, she was initially named after my biggest girl crush of all time, Ashley Graham, and the pun just stuck. For me, naming her was an obvious decision as I believe your vagina or (whatever alternative you’re sporting) to be one of those vital body parts that you should look after. Being able to refer to her by name and not just ‘my vag’ makes everything more personable and re-iterates the importance of taking care of her. For example, I try to feed her as best I can. Where possible, I make healthy life choices regarding what I put in my mouth, as this can have a direct impact on your lady garden. So, because I smoke like a chimney and drink like a fish and these things are really not good for your PH, I try and load my diet full of veggies and healthy bits too. It counts if they are on a pizza, right?! But in all serious, food stuffs that are generally good for you, are also good for your reproductive organs.


We’ve been here before, and I don’t want to keep going round in circles, but (if you have one) it’s just as important to think about what you’re putting on your vagina as what you’re putting in it –nothing marketed at vaginas (wipes, sprays, anything scented) should be used on a vagina. And the companies doing this marketing really ought to read this. Your vagina is meant to smell like a vagina, not like a unicorn sparkle strawberry cheesecake or a pile of fresh fucking towels. Keeping your PH just right downstairs is vital. Plus, I’ve never seen a supermarket aisle directed solely at keeping your dick clean.


I also pleasure her. Way more than the national average, but what my gal Gashley wants, my gal Gashley gets. And she gets to be sociable a couple of times a week, too, when I allow her to come into contact with other people.


Whilst I’m not sure if there is or isn’t any medical research behind the benefits of becoming emotionally attached to your genitalia, I would just like to give a shout out to one of my very best gal pals, who was recently accepted into medical school and is dead set to be the best, prettiest, smartest and most delightful doctor to ever grace the NHS. You. Go. Girl.


I’m really very interested in what y’all are calling yours. Or, if they’ve not yet been named, what you’re going to call them!



I’m really very interested in what y’all are calling yours. Or, if they’ve not yet been named, what you’re going to call them!

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