Ménage à Moi

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Masturbation has almost become habitual for me. Horny? Dildo. Bad day? Vibrator. 4pm? Magic wand. Seriously, I can’t get enough of self pleasure.



As well as boasting huge amounts of health benefits including improving self esteem and confidence, stress reduction, sleep improvement, strengthening and toning muscles and even relieving menstrual cramps, beating the beaver allows you to be at one with your body, improving your relationship with yourself and often identifying your preferences under the sheets. 


Making time for yourself, regardless of whether or not you’re in a relationship, is vital. We know this. Independence is cute. Some take a day off to take themselves to lunch, or to waltz around the shops treating themselves to unnecessary goodies without the scrutiny of their other half. Me? I stay in bed with my favourite selection of battery operated devices. A whole new meaning to ‘good vibes’. 


I find it quite unbelievable and wholly selfish for anyone to insinuate that any form of masturbation is unhealthy or inappropriate. Granted, if you were to do it in public then it’s a different story; but I know that God loves me regardless of whether or not I bash the bishop (a euphemism, I promise) or not. Multiple times daily I get down and dirty with my instrument of choice; vibrator, hand, shower head, electric toothbrush – you name it, I’ve masturbated with it. On average, I would say twice daily. Minimum. And it’s wonderful. Personally, I think of it as a form of meditation and often use it to cure anything from a headache to a week of intense stress. 



For me, this is why it sits on a completely different level to sex with my partner. Sex with my boyfriend is amazing – don’t get me wrong. To connect with someone on such a physical and intimate level really is quite the spectacle. And I wouldn’t give up sex for the world. Seriously, you can often find me engaging in a little pre-bed praying, asking the good Lord for a generous helping of morning glory. 

Having sex with my boyfriend and sex with myself are entirely separate entities. For the most part, they occur on different occasions and as the result of different situations. That is, unless he is away and I am losing the will to live through horniness. Then they cross paths. But normally? When I am horny, I want to have sex. I want human contact. I want to be ravished and, in those situations, no amount of AAAs will do. And, thinking about it rationally, there’s only so much exploring one can do with oneself. You tend to need a second pair of hands past a certain point. 


Sex with another human being and not just your five knuckle shuffle is actually medically proven to lower blood pressure. And if you needed further encouragement, partnered intercourse is scientifically proven to improve your overall fitness (fun fact – even if you’re too hungover to do anything but lie there and take it, you’re still burning calories and working your muscles) AND increase levels or oestrogen and testosterone. And testosterone is the hormone that promotes sexual passion in men. Oh, and oestrogen can help prevent heart disease in women. So all in all, a very happy cycle.


I know that there are both men and women who request that their husbands/wives/partners of any kind refrain from masturbation. And, if there is a valid reason for this (for example, saving your swimmers for baby making only) then I get it. But if it’s as a result of self consciousness because playing with yourself can be perceived as ‘cheating’ then you have my permission to shoo them away. If you wanna make sweet, sweet love to yourself, then you’d better do it.


Sex varies between couples and individuals. Please don’t take this as me preaching that if you often find  your spare time consumed with self-pleasure, then you also must be boning someone other than yourself. This is just not true. This post is simply an open statement, declaring that both masturbation and sex with a partner can be on mutual terms. You CAN do both! You don’t have to, but the option is always there. Whilst the two are comparably different, I have found the importance and benefits to living simultaneously with both. And so should you. 




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