The Problem With New Year's Resolutions

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New Year, SAME you, because you’re already god damn fabulous.



I try and steer clear of Resolutions, unless they are truly for the greater good (see my resolution last year, here). For example, this year, I have chosen to give up smoking. This being said, I have little to no will power, so if you see me around with fag in hand, karate chop it out of my grasp and give me a stern telling off. My previous resolutions have ended up with me choking on a plum stone after opting to eat more fruit, and paying for a 12 month gym membership that I used all but three times.


January is the worst time for anyone who is even slightly self-conscious. It’s virtually impossible to log in to social media, or even visit your friends without inevitably viewing or discussing someone’s claim that THIS is the year they will drastically change their body. You know, as opposed to adopting self-love and just being happy with who they are. Y’all can imagine how much this thrills me. Do me a favour, OK? Unfollow/unfriend/delete or block any account you currently follow that makes you feel like you want to change the way you look. Wishing you were more like someone else is nothing more than a detrimental waste of your time. You are YOU. You will never be her or him or that bloody gorgeous unicorn. You are glorious with every lump, bump, wrinkle, smile and bad mood that completes you. Every little bit of your mental and physical being are vital in making you, you. So please, let’s remember, your worth is not defined by your waist size, skin clarity, productiveness or anything else for that matter.


 When my friends ask me to join them in ‘Dry January’… 


Resolutions are only worth making if you are positive about making such changes, and motivated to see them through. I, for example, am attempting to give up smoking. Admittedly, I bought and smoked the majority of a pack after several litres of Prosecco on Saturday night, but even that is an improvement on my usual inhalation of enormous amounts of nicotine. Instead of my original plan to go cold turkey, I’m going to cut my allowance by a few cigarettes every time I go out, until I don’t buy or feel the desire to smoke at all – regardless of how many drinks I’ve thrown back. This is a realistic decision I have made to benefit my physical health. And, sure, you might think that swearing yourself on to Atkins or whatever other fad you’re following is going to benefit YOUR physical health. I’m not denying that you might lose weight and look slimmer – but who wants to live a life spent counting calories and prepping lunches of dry chicken and broccoli? Comparing yourself to anyone else (even various versions of yourself), restricting yourself from doing what you want and not finding acceptance and love with who you are and the way you look BEFORE 21 days of laxative-laced detox tea, is disadvantageous to your mental health. And mental health is just as important as physical health.



The best version of YOU is the happy, independent, doing-whatever-you-want, unapologetic, real version of yourself. The ‘you’ that is both socially and internally pressured to look, feel and act certain ways, will never be truly happy.


So let’s talk about some examples of positive resolutions. Why not opt to grow your leg hair and measure the growth process? Have more sex? Start a tiny vegetable garden on your windowsill? Aim for eight hours of uninterrupted sleep every night? Wear only bright blue stockings on days beginning with ‘T’? Or, for crying out loud, why not set yourself a resolution of loving yourself. It is the greatest revolution after all and, I promise, will change your life for the best.





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