How many people have you slept with? No, really, how many? 10? 15? 30? 100? I’ve slept with 16 people.
I’m sure there used to be some childish saying that if a woman told you her number, you had to multiply it three times to uncover the truth, or something along those lines. Well, I don’t know if it’s crossed anyone else’s minds, but I certainly don’t have the time nor patience to multiply and divide the number of people I’ve slept with to deceive people. I hated maths at school, I’m undoubtedly not about to learn long division all over again in order to lie about my sexual history. In all honesty? I have no idea how many people I’ve slept with. Not because it’s hundreds and hundreds and my brain can’t store all the data, but because I just don’t care. I kept a list until I was probably 19, and then threw it away. Because what is the point?
It’s an unfortunate, yet unequivocal truth: When it comes to the number of people we’ve slept with- the higher the number, the higher the judgment. If we can openly brag about who we’ve rubbed bacons with to our nearest and dearest, why are we always downplaying our sexual history to other people? Especially potential significant others… Don’t you think it will be worse when you’ve told him at the beginning of your relationship about the 6 ‘great but not Mr Right’ guys you gave your flower to, and then one day, sat at his desk bored, he works out that the barista in Starbucks actually makes it as number 15? Not a big number at all, but a big jump from 6. Successful relationships are built on foundations of honesty and trust. Why is it that we, mostly women, feel as if we have to conform to the absurd standard society has set for us, and edit personal details about ourselves in order to avoid the risk of other people looking down their noses? Since when did somebody else’s opinion matter that much? If you are comfortable within yourself and with your sexuality, and enjoy gland-to-gland combat, providing you are causing no harm to yourself or anyone else- WHO GIVES A DAMN? Please, tell me why men and other women pounce on the opportunity, once a woman has revealed personal details that may not be to their personal preferences, to use the word ‘Slut’?
There is no such thing as a slut. ‘Slut’ is a made up word, dating back to the 1300’s to describe a working class woman. It is a word used to shame, silence and attack women, so in such a modern age of society, why are we so obsessed with this thing from the past? Not just the past- this is ancient history. People are not defined by the amount of sex they have. Whether your number is closer to 10 or 100- you remain the same person. There is a huge double standard surrounding this. The age old tale of a man being pat on the back for his high number of conquests, whilst women of the same number are scorned. This begs the question- if men are allowed to sleep with more people than women, then who the hell are they sleeping with? Though this is undeniably unfair, slut-shaming is a real thing that unfortunately happens all too often. Just remember: your body, your choices. Save yourself the effort of having to justify them. Someone’s sexual history is just that: history, and ignorance truly is bliss, then being ignorant about this tiny personal detail surely can’t be that bad.
You’ve all been called a slut right? It’s painful, and it sticks with you- I know. And like you, I am bored and sick of being put down while men brag and boast about their catches, shaming the very women who trusted them for doing just that: trusting. The sexual landscape of our world has been steadily changing for quite some time now and at this point, sex and dating are mutually ambiguous terms. People are having more sex on the first date, sex before they even start dating, and casual partners and hook-ups can be found in just about any licensed bar in the country. I’m not arguing that people should be going out and boning every other person they meet- as I’ve preached before- sex isn’t a way to get a guy to like you and it isn’t a weapon. But a lot of people enjoy having it- whether or not they’re in a committed relationship. So, am I unclean and impure for sleeping with ‘a lot’ of people? If two consensual adults decide to have sex, it’s important to notice that there are in fact two people involved, and if one of them is immediately going to shame the other afterward, then that person has a clear misunderstanding of intercourse in the 21st century. With today’s contraceptives and general knowledge of human anatomy, there is absolutely no reason why women should be seen any differently when it comes to being sexually active.
Society puts so much pressure on sex as both the be-all and the end-all, and this pressure is increased exponentially for women. We must be virgins but still sexy, the girl next door but the femme fatale, ‘a lady in the street but a freak in the bed’. There is so much pressure to put out and have sex and also not have it, that it’s no wonder that women grow up disenchanted and confused about their sexuality. There is no such thing as an experienced virgin, and yet that is what we, as women, are expected to be. I know many, many women who enjoy casual sex with multiple partners. From coming into contact with these women over the last 20 years, I can tell you for sure that nobody fits a sexual stereotype. Sexual stereotypes do not exist. They were fabricated to sustain and perpetuate a little power structure called patriarchy. It’s no secret that this ‘structure’, leaves no room for diverse realities.
In conclusion- Who cares? Do as you damn well please, and providing you remain safe, try not to give a single fuck about what other people may say or think about you- this really says more about them than it does you.