If I had a penny for every time I’ve been described as ‘intimidating’, I’d finally be able to buy myself a navy snakeskin Birkin. I am loud (and probably a little annoying), and I’m very open. As an outgoing and confident person, I’ve had qualities that I should be (and I am) proud of pin pointed as reasons as to why I’m single. Does confidence and success really scare men off? Why are women always told not to come off ‘too strong’? At risk of emasculating our male counterparts? I call bullshit. Pop culture encourages women to bat their eyelashes and wear passive lip gloss instead of bold lipstick to draw in a suitor. Bill Clinton cheated on (the highly successful) Hillary with Monica, an intern. Big married Natasha over Carrie. Johnny Depp left successful singer/model/actress Vanessa Paradis for a 20-something fresh faced wannabe.
Independence is an attractive trait in both sexes, but how is this defined by women? What exactly is being independent? Fending for yourself? Remembering to switch on the dishwasher and separate colours from whites? Is that independence? Changing your own light bulbs? Mowing your own lawn? Exercising all the chores that typically a man would do? I am one for shouting from the rooftops about ‘I don’t need a man’. And I’m pretty damn certain I don’t. Minus cooking and frog control- I can absolutely take care of myself. Should I then stumble across an activity that I struggle to face; I thank God for my amazing friends and great vibrators- but why should my slightly arrogant self proclaimed independence repel men?
If successful and confident women really do intimidate guys- it’s through no fault of our own. We are products of our environment. It just so happens our contemporary environment is the result of a feminist revolution that’s developed in all aspects of our lives. In short- we’ve gradually been persuaded that as a group, we do not need men. We need men to fertilize our eggs and change the TV channel when we’re too lazy to lift an arm, but at the end of the day- men are not a necessity, they are a luxury.
It’s the twenty-first century, and women have come a long way. We’re beginning to surpass men in many areas. We have more master’s and college degrees, better grades in general and single women in many parts of America have higher earnings than their male counterparts and it is estimated that by 2025, more than half the primary breadwinners in America will be women. There will forever be men, regardless of how much time has passed, who hold up the male chauvinism glory days of the 1950s as the golden social model.
A successful woman knows her worth. She knows what she deserves and knows she shouldn’t have to settle for second best. We are smart enough now to have picked up on the fact that men tend to favour less accomplished ‘easier’ women, and in turn, we have begun to use independence as a self-defense mechanism to avoid getting hurt or betrayed.
I know what I want from a man (humour, thick thighs and great sex) and I’m not afraid to chase after it. And when I say chase, I mean sprint. As fast as I can, towards the nearest rugby pitch. A clever girl (with an ass that won’t quit) who knows what she’s looking for? What exactly is unattractive about that sentence?! She (I) sounds GREAT! But again, maybe that’s from a women’s perspective.
Maybe men fear that successful women wouldn’t be able to balance their time between personal and business matters? Well, I can assure you this is not the case. A prime example is one of my closest friends; fearfully successful and a harder worker than anyone else I know. At the age of 25 she juggles a hugely successful career, long term and long distance relationships and sustains a lavish lifestyle consisting of the paleo diet and a fabulous social life. To conclude- if what you have, or are capable of doing, scares a man off, how it is by any small measure fair for a man to deem your unfaltering drive as anything less than a celebration?
Big chose Natasha over our gal Bradshaw to feel like more of a man.
A real (and hard to come by) man is supportive and understanding, even if that means standing in your shadow once in a while.
Don’t ever apologise for your successes or confidence. Don’t settle for anything less than what you think you deserve. It’s better and healthier to be alone than to be in an inadequate relationship.