He’s Just Not That Into You.
Regardless of how many times we’ve seen the film or watched the SATC episode, we remain to be constantly making excuses for our relationship flops.
“Maybe I gave him my number wrong… I’d had at least half a bottle of wine…”
“I knew I shouldn’t have slept with him on the first date!”
“He must have lost his phone! And is snapchatting via his iPad…”
“He’s obviously just really busy with work”.
No, honey, he’s really just not that into you. Think back to all the men/women you’ve made excuses for in the past- there’s a reason you’re not still with them now. It’s not shameful that previous potentials of yours have failed- it’s natural. You will win some, but more often than not you will lose some and there are a good 7 billion other people left in the world for when you do.
I can hardly preach about such a subject- I am a twenty-something singleton, serial dating but forever single- and constantly making excuse for the fuckboys that I waste my time with. It wasn’t until earlier this year, after dating (and clinging on for dear life) to yet another rugby player who was desperately trying to shake me off- much to my denial- that I was able to wake myself up from my man-coma. It took a close friend’s elder brother, who had walked into the garden and witnessed me whining about the ordeal (“It’s so unfair, I never want to text him first, but he doesn’t ever text me… because he’s really busy with rugby training”) and chain smoking, to listen in to mere minutes of my heinous self-pity and inform me that I was wasting my time, because said man was just not interested. Of course I persistently argued at first, but in the space of 2-3 menthols, I was on board with his theory. OF COURSE! He wasn’t not texting because he was busy, he wasn’t texting because he didn’t want me! (And as much as that stung, it was well worth me knowing).
It was refreshing to hear a male perspective. Albeit a little blunt, it made for a welcome change from the pandering and faux-hope my girlfriends had sheltered me with-a little perspective from someone on the other side goes a long way. And absolutely vice versa- gents, no one will be able to shed some light on your women related problems like a woman herself. We can help each other here- stop viewing the opposite sex as the enemy and bring down your battlefronts.
Being the personification of the classic teenage tragedy (albeit in my early twenties) has consequently worked in my favour. Falling for and being quickly rejected by the majority of men I let buy me dinner (or slip it in, same thing really) is like Groundhog day. But there’s nothing wrong with me. Haven’t you seen my Instagram?! I’m a hot piece of ass! And not only that, but I’m funny, sweet and smart. I am someone’s- but not everyone’s- perfect woman, and it’s taken me almost 8 years of dating to realise that. Better late than never hey! But thankfully, through me having learned the hard way, I can now pass down my pearls of wisdom to you- amen, hallelujah. The tell tale signs of someone who’s not all too bothered about you are key. If he wants to talk to you, he will. You shouldn’t have to chase any potential suitor. If he wants to see you again, you can believe that he absolutely will make the effort. If he’s letting your calls go to voicemail, asking you to pay for your own drinks or not responding to the semi-nude Snapchats you’ve sent him- then you’re wasting your time. Your fling has flung. You may not realise this at first while still wearing the rose tinted ray bans, but sooner or later it will hit you like a train.
I am a firm believer of going with your gut. It’s your body’s initial knee-jerk reaction, and is usually right. Try not to follow my footsteps and ignore your gut (could be the reason for my weight problem also…) and move into a comfortable fantasy bubble, making your life up as you live it. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s probably not and you should put your knickers back on and get the heck out of dodge. You’ll never be everyone’s cup of tea. It’s VERY difficult to force someone into falling in love with you (speaking from the experience of trying with at least 4 men). Not even a really, really good blowjob will push him over the edge- again, I’ve tried. Y’all deserve a lot more than someone who may or may not reply to your constant stream of Whatsapp messages. Hopefully this will at least encourage you to go out and find he or she who willingly answers your calls, takes you on more than a handful of pity dates and treats you like the royalty you really are.
If you take anything away from this post, let it be this- speaking as a firm Feminist, men are NOT the enemy (believe it or not). And men, you’d be wise to stop belittling women and actually listen to what they have to say. As two separate sexes, we have completely different perspectives and experience- and might just have the answer to the questions you’ve been asking. Guard yourself with as many friends of the opposite sex as you can- you’ll never know when you’re going to need them most.
This is the true Power of the Sexes.